


Pick on someone your own size!

by NinaBeena



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Demons, Or not, Other, Papyrus - Freeform, Papyrus is a smarty, Prejudice Against Monsters (Undertale), Racism, Reader is genderless, Soulmates, That's ok, WHAT THE FUCK READER???, author is just tired of your shit reader, but they'll fucking fight you, it's cute at least!, reader is not the brightest, references references, sweet spiky cinnamonroll, you may or may not own a demon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2019-07-07 21:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15916578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinaBeena/pseuds/NinaBeena
Summary: Too bad you're not exactly a big person to begin with, not that it will stop you!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me randomly while working and didn't want ta leave me alone, so here you go!

_Just keep walking, just keep walking, just keep walking walking walking-_

"What?! Not gonna fight back ya fucking scum?!"

Your internal singing is interrupted by the sound of metal on stone and shouting, from a dark alleyway, that you should definitely **_not_** go check out because that would be a really terrible idea...

Nope, you were already half-way down the alleyway before rational thought could butt in and make you second guess yourself.

_Tch, who cares for rational thought anyway, not you!_

**_Idiot..._ **

The alley takes a sharp right and leads to the back of what you think is a restaurant, or maybe you're hungry enough to start hallucinating the smell of Italian wafting from the building.

_Why were you back here?_

"Fucking fight back!"

_Right, that..._

You peeked around the corner, having just enough self-preservation not to outright walk into what you assume to be a fight, and quickly realize what was going on.

_This wasn't some fight, a fight is usually two-sided, this was a beat down!_

Three men crowded around a figure on the ground with nasty sneers on their faces, each carrying some sort of weapon.

The guy on the ground kept his head bowed, but you could see his hands balled against the pavement like he wanted to fight but was holding himself back from it. "I Suggest You Three Get The Fuck Out Of Here Before My Companions Arrive, They Have Far Less Self Control Than I."

Your eyes shot wide as the guy on the ground lifted his head, and instead of some fleshy human face like you'd been expecting, there was a glaring skull; cracks running down one socket and teeth filed to sharp points that lock together like puzzle pieces.

_Oh gosh, that's super neat!_

Your attention was wrenched away from the skeleton monster as one of the men stepped forward and slammed his bat against the ground. "Was that a fucking threat?"

**_That's what the metal sound was earlier, maybe you should call the police to come and stop this before it got really bad and-_ **

You dart from around the corner as the man raises the bat, this time seeming intent on causing actual damage to the skeleton on the ground. "OI BUCKO! PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE!"

**_You seemed to have forgotten that you're only 5"4, but whatever, you've got moxie!_ **

And absolutely no fighting skill or weapon, well, you've already outed yourself, might as well try to do something to help the poor skeleton.

You seemed to have startled the men enough that they back away from the skeleton a few steps, allowing you to take up the space that the main guy had been in, but with your back to the skeleton. "What the fuck do you think you're doing! He's not even fighting back! This is incredibly dishonorable and you lot should be ashamed of yourselves!"

You thought you heard a soft snort from the skeleton, but wrote it off as your imagination, wow that Italian smelled really good, maybe you'd make ravioli when you got home, or lasagna!

"Are ya fucking stupid or somethin'? Get the fuck outta here!" The main guy snarled, jabbing the bat at you while the other two kinda shuffled their feet and wouldn't look at you.

The main guy was starting to seem like a real douche, didn't he feel bad at all? At least the other two seemed to feel a little guilty about what was going on here. "Fuck you! You can't control me! I'm gonna stay right here until you leave!"

Instead of being deterred the guy seemed to take your words as a challenge. "Really? Fine. Then i'll just have to move ya my fucking self."

"Boss wait! We can't hurt-"

**_Oh look, here comes that bat again!_ **

You ducked out of the way, only to be met with the bosses foot digging into your ribs, launching you away from the skeleton as pain exploded through your side.

_You're finally starting to realize that maybe this was a bad idea..._

You struggled to pull in a breath as you forced yourself to stand and make your way back to your place in front of the skeleton, face now set in a pained grimace. "That hurt."

The boss chuckled and hefted the bat again. "I can go all night baby, 'nd I don't care if I have to go through you to get that fucking demon. If ya step away now, i'll go easy on ya later, reteach ya how to be a good bitch for some nice human guy."

**_Was he serious!?_ **

"You're sick! A sick speciest piece of shit that I bet has a dick the size of a fucking cocktail weenie!"

**_Why must you insist on antagonizing the guy who obviously has no problem hurting you?!_ **

You weren't given time to regret your words before the bat connected with your arm, only this time you'd been somewhat able to brace yourself against the blow.

Still didn't stop the blow from fracturing your arm though.

You stifled your scream as you clutched your arm to your chest. "Keep 'em coming fucker, I'm sure the police will love to see all the damage you caused to someone barely half your size."

**_STOP ANTAGONIZING!_ **

The boss froze before his grin turned even sleazier. "You called 'em? Alright, I'll just say that I was protecting ya from this demon over here, all I gotta do is make sure you can't talk. They'll take my word over that things."

**_This is why you should try and think before you act!_ **

You took the blow that was aimed for your head with your other arm, not able to stop the scream that bubbled forth as your ulna snapped and you were thrown to the side again.

You couldn't leave the skeleton alone with them, not if he was willing to damn near kill you just so you wouldn't speak, they'd kill him! "Yeah? You think it's gonna be easy to put me down? I'm used to this, so keep it comin', gonna take a lot more than some weak ass swings to knock me down!"

**_Why do you want to die?! Cause that's what's going to happen here!_ **

He took your advice on the next swing, the unforgiving metal of the back connecting with your temple as you failed to move away fast enough, your body crumpling to the pavement as you fell unconscious.

So you weren't aware of the fact that you were caught in the arms of the skeleton monster who'd you'd tried, and failed, to defend.

Papyrus stood with you held gently against his chest, eyelights never leaving the now single human as the other two fled, wisely knowing that whatever was about to happen was something they didn't want to be present for. "Do You Find it Amusing To Harm Those Smaller Than Yourself? Someone Who Wouldn't Even Lift A Hand Against You? Well..." Papyrus chuckled as his socket flamed with red magic. "I'm Sorry To Disappoint, But I Don't Share Your Fascination."

Bones erupted from the pavement, but instead of slamming into the boss, they closed him in, effectively trapping him with his arms pinned to his sides, leaving him unable to bash his way out. "What the fuck?!"

"Did You Think I Would Play Into Your Stupid Little Game? Pathetic." Papyrus sneered, jerking his chin to a spot above the humans head. "Did You Not Take Note Of The Cameras? To Attack You Would Be Foolish, But You Attacking Me And This Human, You Have Damned Yourself."

The human thrashed against the bone constructs, snarling and cursing while Papyrus slipped his phone out of his pocket and shot off a few texts before looking back to you with a frown.

Why did he feel responsible for you? You were just some stupid human who thought they could face down someone bigger than them, all for the sake of a monster.

He settled a hand over the swelling lump on your temple and willed as much healing magic into you as he could, gritting his teeth when you didn't immediately wake up.

"ey boss, this the fucker?"

Papyrus looked up with a scowl as Sans stepped out of nowhere, uniform rumpled but unstained for once. "got 'dyne on the way with a few others, want me ta take the little one off yer hands?"

Papyruses arms tightened around your form as he growled lowly. "Don't You Fucking Dare."

Sans backed away as a shit-eating grin spread across his skull. "holy shit boss, do ya even know what they are ta ya?" He wiggled his brow-bones suggestively before breaking out into raucous laughter. "Ya got saved by yer fucking soul-"

"Deputy Serif! Are you slacking in your duties?!"

Sans snaps to attention as Captain undyne steps out of the restaurant at their backs, single eye glowing as she took in the scene before her and motioned for Papyrus to drop the cage.

Which is only bad for the human

As soon as he's freed he whirls around and tried to land a hit on Sans, freezing midswing as he's engulfed in red and lifted off the pavement. "attempted assault on an officer, ain't ya a smart one."

"Fuck you!"

"eh, I don't really swing that way, ya got what ya need captain?" Sans lets his gaze slide to Undyne while jerking a thumb to the human, who still thought he could somehow escape and was cussing up a storm.

Undyne sneered before giving a sharp nod. "Take him to the precinct, get him set up in a cell, I'll be back soon." She dismisses him and turned to Papyrus, who was still clutching your unconscious form rather possessively. "What the hell happened here? I already got the tapes, your boss handed them over when he heard what was going on."

Papyrus huffed. "I Was Leaving Work And Was Jumped By Three Humans, The Other Two Ran Off After Their Leader Struck This Small One Unconscious, They Tried To Defend Me..."

He trailed off as you finally shifted, only to snuggle further into his ribcage with a soft sigh, igniting a red blush across his skull and earning a hearty guffaw from the captain. "Holy shit! Looks like your mate there is one hell of a badass to think they could take on three other humans all on their own."

Undyne waved the rest of her officers back to their vehicles as she took a step closer to Papyrus. "Wouldn't doubt them having a things for cats either, no w let's get back to the station so I-"

"I FORGOT TO FEED KHOSHEKH!"

Before either monster could react, you were out of Papyruses arms and sprinting out of the alley and back to the street, hightailing it back to your apartment to feed your cat before he decided to rip your everything to shreds.

**Again.**

Undyne looked at Papyrus before wheeling around and taking off after you, Papyrus right on her heels.

**_Why couldn't you just have stayed unconscious?_ **


	2. The fuckery continues...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You... just you... You give the author anxiety, as well as others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are freaking amazing! I loved all the comments and you guys really inspired me to continue writing this out!

  
They finally caught up to you five blocks later, and that was only because you had stopped to unlock your door before disappearing into the apartment.

Undyne considered asking if you had any interest in joining the force because anyone that could _outrun_ her was definitely someone she wanted to keep close and use to their greatest potential.

Papyrus was pissed you took off before he could do anything about your arm.

Which you had completely forgotten about in your panic to get home, because that's another lovely little thing about you, you tend to forget that you're injured.

**_How are you even still alive at this point?_ **

That apparently didn't matter to you at the moment, all that mattered was making sure your precious kitty didn't destroy everything you loved!

You skidded into the kitchen just in time to see Khoshekh ripping apart a roll of paper towels before looking up at you an meowing sweetly.

_You're pretty sure he just called you a bad name..._

He hopped over his mess and wound between your legs as you dug out a can of his favorite munch and popped the lid off, completely missing the fact that the two monsters that had been chasing your for the past twenty minutes were now staring at you, dumbfounded, from your still open front door.

"I'm sorry I forgot to feed you, please tell me the only thing you murdered was the paper towels?"

_**. ~~..meow?~~** _

_He definitely destroyed something in your room then..._

You set his bowl down and step out of his way as he zooms for it, completely ignoring you as you go about cleaning up his mess and still not realizing that there are two monsters standing in your doorway.

"Excuse me-"

"NOPE!" You shouted, before looking up at the voice in question, more than a little surprised that there was an actual body attached to the voice this time. "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I was hearing things again, why are you in my house?"

**_Oh yeah, just some strangers in your house, don't freak out or anything! Seriously, how are you still alive?_ **

The fish lady looked a little uncomfortable while the skeleton at her side was- "Hey! I know you! You're the skeleton from the alley, are you ok? What are you doing here? You know you're really pretty right? I really like how your eyes look like tiny fires, it's so neat!"

You continued to ramble on as Undyne sliped her phone out to record you and the way Papyrus had been progressively turning redder and redder, saving the video for later to share with Alphys and add to the blackmail folder.

"HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT YOUR ARM IS BROKEN?"

**_Well, you remembered now..._ **

Your arm throbs angrily as you clutch it to your chest, tears springing to your eyes as you stared at the monsters. "Ow..."

You started bawling as you held your arm tighter, only succeeding in making it hurt more and startling the monsters.

It was apparent to the monsters that you _had_ _actually forgotten_ _about your injury._

Papyrus scoops you into his arms and frantically Checks you while trying to figure out the best way to deal with this, which he was kinda failing at as his panic skyrocketed as you continued to sob into his chest.

His soulmate was in pain and he couldn't think of what to do!

He wheeled around onto Undyne with a vicious scowl. "You're The Captain! Do Something! Call The Ambulance Or Get One Of Your Subordinates To Bring Us A Car!"

Undyne sneered back before scoffing. "It's a fucking _BROKEN ARM_ Papyrus, their not fucking dying!"

"I'm dying?!" You wailed, eye's beyond wide and still leaking tears, staring at the lady named Undyne, before you reburied your face back into the comforting warmth of the skeleton. "I don't want to die!"

"LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" He growled, lowering his tone as he leaned down to nuzzle you. "You Are Not Dying Small One, You Are Alright, I Am Here, I Will Protect You Now."

Undyne snorted at the display, recalling that he couldn't exactly protect you thirty minutes ago. "Oh look at you, so scary, I got a car waiting out front, we'll take 'em to the hospital to get fixed up and then to the precinct so I can do _MY FUCKING JOB_!"

Papyrus gave a stiff nod before trying to carry you out, only to be stopped by what he assumed to be a demon from fucking hell staring at him from the still open door.

It was a cloud of pitch black fur, two yellow eyes glaring up at him with the fires of hell, each the size of a quarter and completely unblinking, and twin fangs protruding from its lower jaw.

**_Absolutely horrifying._ **

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" Papyrus screeched, a sharpened bone appearing in his hand and aimed at the creature.

Sniffling, you look for what he's shouting about, only to see Khoshekh bat at the end of what looked like a bone sword. "Are You talking about Khoshekh? He's a kitty, c'mere Khoshekh! Wanna treat?"

The ball of death perked up and locked his eye's onto you, crouching low before turning his gaze back to Papyrus and wiggling his butt. "What-"

~~**_"MROW!!!"_ ** ~~

_"NYYYYEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH!"_

You were dropped as Khoshekh launched himself from the floor all the way to Papyruses face, letting out a battle cry that you honestly weren't sure was even normal for a cat to make, but hey, you always suspected he wasn't normal after that really old lady gave him to you before disappearing into mist.

You actually wonder how she's doing, hopefully pretty well...

_"GET IT OFF!"_

"He's just hugging you."

_"IT'S TRYING TO SHOVE IT'S HEAD IN MY MOUTH."_

"Awww, he thinks you have treats!"

**_"IN MY MOUTH???"_ **

Undyne groaned and slapped a hand to her face, phone up and recording as you struggled to pry your demon cat off of Papyruses face as he flailed and tried not to hurt either creature, while your cat continued to try and crawl into the poor guy's mouth.

Yeah, there was no way that she was gonna get back to work anytime soon...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your support, ya'll are awesome sweet beans!


	3. Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a cute little piece with Papyrus carrying you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this just sitting around for a while and thought I'd finally post it.
> 
> Hope ya enjoy!

Chapter 3

You were getting really weird looks, some downright nasty, but you didn't seem to realize it, not with all the fun you were having!

You'd convinced Papyrus, his brother, and his brothers mate to come to the carnival, the absolute best place on earth!

You were currently riding on your best friend's shoulders, legs padded and protected from the sharp angle of his bones by a thickly padded leather jacket that you'd given him after Khoshehk ate his last one.

As in, the entire thing, excluding the metal bits, those he'd kept to bat around and leave as little offerings to you whenever he was feeling particularly generous.

_But nevermind that, you were at the carnival!_

**_You really need to get a vet, or a priest, to check out that thing you call a cat..._ **

_Carnival!_

You rested your arms on top of his skull and cooed as Sans fussed over his mate, giving her his coat while she protested, laughing at the way his coat swallowed her up and fell to her knees. "Really Sans, I'm pregnant, not dying."

He scoffed and zipped her up, purring as his smell engulfed her. "yeah yeah, just keeping ya cozy. how're yer feet? need me ta carry ya?"

She scoffed and waddled away, not even awarding him with an answer as she sought out a bathroom, closely followed by a very worried Sans. "babe, babe wait, where ya goin'? do ya need me ta carry yer bag?"

Papyrus chuckled at his brother, the sound traveling through the leather and vibrating your legs. "How Pathetic, Has He Forgotten That She Is A Warrior Of The Highest Caliber? Carrying A Child Must Be Only A Trifle."

You perked up and leaned over his skull to meet his gaze. "Oh? She's a warrior? I didn't know that! Do you think she'd fight me? Is she like a super ninja?!"

Papyrus recalled a moment last week when you couldn't even win a fight against the bed covers, instead choosing to stay wrapped in their, seemingly, unbreakable hold until he'd come in and released you. "Even Belaboured As She Is, I Think She Would Win In Any Battle Against You."

"All except a ravioli eating contest." You stated cheekily, resting your head on your arms as a small yawn escaped you. "She can't beat me in a pickle juice drinking contest either."

"Nobody Could Beat You At That, Not Even Sans." Papyrus agreed affectionately, pulling out his phone and shooting a quick message to his brother. "I Think It Is Time To Head Home, You Are Falling Asleep And I Would Hate To Have You Accidentally Injure Yourself By Falling From My Shoulders."

You scoffed and nuzzled his skull affectionately. "As if you would ever drop me, I trust you, you'll keep me safe."

You couldn't see it, but his face turned a deep crimson as his sockets widened, a dopey grin stretching his teeth while his hands came up to hold your calves protectively. "Of Course I Will."

He marched out of the carnival, easily parting the crowds with his dark scowl and fierce stature while also making it abundantly clear that no one was to touch you by keeping his hands wrapped securely around your legs.

The real issue was how to get you off his shoulders and into his car since you had a death grip on his skull and nearly strangling him with your thighs, making him glad that he didn't necessarily need air to live.

**_You were basically an anaconda when you slept, slowly strangling the life out of others, I'm truly concerned for your friends at this point_ **

He finally unwound you from his shoulders and buckled you in, smiling fondly when you yawned and curled into a ball in your seat.

If only you knew how adorable you were to him, how much he wanted to shower you in affection while also showing everyone else that you were his.

He just had to be patient for a little longer...

The drive back to his home was uneventful and he had very little issue carrying you into the apartment, the real issue came when he tried to put you down again.

"nooooooo, don' waanna."

"Hush Little One, It Is Only For A Moment."

"nooooooo..."

You clung to him as he let his arms drop, a little proud that you were able to hold yourself to him even when asleep, something you only really did with him it seemed. "Fine, Have It Your Way Little One."

He settled on the couch, using a bit of red magic to bring the remote to his hand as you relaxed against his chest, breath evening out into peaceful rest, making him grin proudly and blush.

You trusted him so much, the monster who couldn't even protect you the first time you'd met, he was beyond lucky, he didn't deserve you.

**_ ~~Meow?~~ _ **

HE DIDN'T DESERVE THAT THING EITHER!

Khoshehk stared at him from the coffee table, bulging eyes scrutinizing him with something close to intelligence as his own cat, a beautiful snow white angora, leaned against its side, looking vaguely smug.

"What Do You Want Demon?" He hissed, not at all shrinking into the couch in the hopes of looking smaller and harder to hit.

Khoshehk murred again before standing and making his way to the couch, disappearing for a second before reappearing in the space between your chest and Papyruses, looking up at Papyrus before snuggling into you and falling asleep.

Papyrus stared at the demon, red magic beading on his skull as his suspicions were proved correct, and feeling absolutely horrified with them.

Who the fuck has a demon for a fucking cat?!?!

**_You, that's who, because you never go for the conventional things in life, nooo, had to have a fucking demon cat!_ **

_**How do you even still have your soul? Why haven't you let some eldritch being borrow it or some shit?** _

Papyrus kept still as he watched you sleep, slowly relaxing when you smiled in your sleep and pressed your face into his rib cage with a happy murmur.

This... This was fine, he'd worry about everything else later, for now, he had you in his arms and you were both safe.

He couldn't ask for much else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya liked it, got any suggestions? Leave em in the comments!


	4. IT'S DEMONS JIM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the hell reader!!!???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh, a lil bit of world building around the reader as well as giving everyone anxiety

  
Chapter 4

  
You'd been gone, _ **FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK** ,_ and Papyrus was losing his mind.

Sure, this wasn't entirely uncommon for you, a few days here and there when they couldn't seem to find you only for you to turn up with some strange relic or story about your family, but it had been a week and still nothing.

Papyrus was either going to kill you or lock you in his room for the rest of your life, he wasn't quite sure which at this point.

Not to mention that Khoshehk had appeared in his apartment shortly after you disappeared, cozying up to DoomFanger and demanding to be fed, or run the risk of it eating his jacket again.

**_Or his soul, fucking demon cat. Seriously, how the hell haven't you sold your soul for a poptart yet?_ **

It was around the eighth day that you finally appeared, riding on the back of a motorcycle, followed by at least 8 other motorcycles, while wearing a leather jacket he'd never seen you in before.

They stopped in front of him and you waved brightly, the guys around you chuckling. "Hi Paps!"

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! YOU WORRIED US SICK!"

You were scooped off the motorcycle by your armpits and held like a naughty cat before being crushed to your best friends rib-cage. "DONT DO THAT AGAIN."

You giggled and patted his skull, waving for your new friends to come say hello and get to know one another, you really wanted them to be friends with the greatest skeleton around after all.

They grumbled but obeyed, parking their bikes and forming a sort of half-circle around you and Papyrus, taking off their helmets and revealing that they weren't men, Papyrus bristled at the thought, but a handful of women instead.

The one who you had been riding with stepped forward, sizing Papyrus up before smirking and offering her hand. "Names Bo, heard all 'bout you from our little sib here. Nice ta see yer as edgy as they claimed."

He stiffly took her hand while transferring you to sit on his shoulder, eyelights flickering around at the group. "I Unfortunately Have Not Had The Pleasure Of Knowing About Any Of You."

Bo shrugged and pulled her hand away. "Not surprising, our little buddy there knows how to keep their mouth shut."

"Snitches get stitches!" You chimed in, rummaging through the leather jacket and coming up with a switchblade, which Papyrus immediately confiscated before you could hurt yourself.

**_Seriously, you've cut yourself on a spoon before, I don't fucking know how, but you have._ **

"You Are Teaching Them Terrible Things!'

Bo snorted and jabbed a thumb to one of her companions. "Oh yeah? Tell me how they knew how to patch up a bullet wound flawlessly, I don't think I'm the bad guy here."

Papyrus snapped his teeth shut and gave you a look, equal parts proud and disgruntled. "You Know How To Patch A Bullet Wound?"

You nodded and hugged his skull. "My dad taught me when I was little, stab wounds too, I also know how to make really good chili that could melt your face off and how not to ride a horse."

**_...I really fear for Papyrus at this point, what the hell kind of parents did you have?!_ **

He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his sockets. "Alright, While It Was, Interesting, To Make Your Acquaintance, We Have Some Very Important Matters To Discuss In The Comfort Of My Home. Good Day."

Instead of being dismissed, like he had intended, Bo grinned and walked past him into the apartment, motioning for the others to follow. "Alright then, gon' get comfy for our lil chat."

Papyrus sputtered before screeching incoherently, following them into his home while trying to sidestep Khoshehk, failing as the "cat" launched itself into your lap using his clothes like a step ladder.

~~**_Mrow?_ ** ~~

"I missed you too pretty kitty! Were you good?"

~~_**...Mrow?** _ ~~

You gave Papyrus a sheepish grin while softly petting Khoshehk. "I promise to replace anything he destroyed."

He snorted and carried you into the living room, watching with clear disdain as Bo took his seat and was backed by her girls, looking like a queen surrounded by her guard. "So, we want to know your intentions towards our little sib."

Papyrus cleared his throat and stood a tad straighter. "They Are My Best Friend, I Wish For Them To Be Happy And Safe At All Times And Will Do Anything To Protect Them." He paused and cast you a fond look as you fed Khoshehk a minnow you'd pulled from your pocket. "I Will Protect Them With My Soul."

_**...Riiight, best friend, every best friend wants to protect each other with their souls, mmhmmm.** _

Bo shared a look with her girls before nodding. "Good, hey Y/N? Why don't you show my girls to their bikes? I just have something to say to your Bonefriend here."

You easily hopped off his shoulder, Khoshehk appearing in Bo's lap, and led the rest of the lady bikers out.

**_DID YOU NOT JUST SEE YOUR CAT TELEPORT?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!_ **

Bo fed Khoshehk another minnow, **_WHY THE FUCK_** , and leveled Papyrus with a cold stare. "I don't think I have to tell you not to hurt them, but just in case you didn't get the memo."

She stood, suddenly seeming a bit bigger than she had before, and looked him in the sockets as all the color bled from her eyes, leaving black pits behind. "We're not even the scariest things protecting them."

_**I give up, I'm not prepared for this, Papyrus is not prepared for this, do you even have a soul at this point?!** _

He blinked and Bo was gone, you were there instead, waving a hand in front of his face and looking worried. "Heeey there, welcome back, are you okay?"

_No, no he is not, what the hell had he gotten himself into?_

_Were you even aware that your friends were demons?_

_**Probably not.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading guys, have suggestions? Leave em in the comments or on my tumblr!
> 
> https://ninabeena97.tumblr.com/


	5. Dinner with...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take Papyrus to meet your parents and I question everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead guys!
> 
> ...
> 
> Mostly not dead, this is kinda a two part chapter with part 2 coming later, so yay!

**_Why, just fucking why, did Papyrus think it was a good idea to meet your parents?_ **

Don't get me wrong; he's over the moon that you want him to come to dinner with them, get to know them and make his intentions towards you clear as well as asking for permission to formally date you.

**_But has he forgotten that you are protected by DEMONS?! What kind of parents lets their child cavort with DEMONS?_ **

**_Just wait..._ **

You dragged him behind you through throngs of people and into a small, but still pretty swanky, restaurant that he hadn't known was there in the first place.

Actually, when had this restaurant opened, he doesn't remember ever seeing it before.

The inside is paneled in warm mahogany with crimson, gold, and black accents. Lighting along the floor made the atmosphere feel intimate while all the booths were set behind black gossamer curtains.

Something about it Papyrus on edge.

**_Nope! Sounds like a murder restaurant! No way in fuck you'd get me in there! Why not meet at a cute little bistro or something? Cafe? Mall food court?_ **

**_No? Fine, be murdered then..._ **

The hostess was a tiny woman in towering black heels and a small black number, her whole demeanor going from cool professionalism to warm friendliness when she spotted you. "Kitten! It's been so long little one!"

She rushed you as several others servers appeared out of nowhere and swarmed you, all offering hugs and comments about how nice you looked today as well as a few minor flirts about how well you'd grown.

Those ones made Papyrus want to claw their eyes out...

Then you called him over and introduced him, going on about how he was the coolest person ever and that he made sure you were being fed and kept out of trouble.

He was a blushing mess by the end of your loving rant.

**_Blind idiots, both of you, it's fucking painful to watch._ **

The hostess finally shooed back to their jobs and took up her clipboard to lead the two of you into the back of the restaurant to an especially secluded booth that had faerie lights between the layers of the gossamer curtains.

The Great and Terrifying Papyrus wasn't nervous! Not at all! And he most certainly wasn't afraid in the least!

**_Yeeeah, your boi is about ready to pick you up and get the fuck outta there, meet the rentals some other time, like any sane person._ **

Too bad neither seem to be very sane...she clears her throat politely and stated your presence, only to jump back as a man burst through the curtains and tackled you in a hug, sweeping you off your feet and nuzzling your face. "Kitten! My itty bitty little fuzzy boo! It's so good to see you again!"

**_That... ok, that wasn't what I was expecting..._ **

The curtain was pushed aside once more as a woman of regal stature exited the booth, smiling indulgently at the suited man. "Lu hon, let kit breathe, won't you? And what sort of impression are you making on their guest?"

She turned to Papyrus and he quickly adopted the once familiar stance he kept as Co-Captain of the Royal Guard; a stiff-backed, ram-rod posture that exuded control and cold confidence while also making him seem taller and far more imposing.

If only he'd worn his heels...

The woman scoffed and stepped forward, placing her hands on his jaw before tilting his head down so she could examine his face. "Now now, no need to be a big bad guy here, there no need for you to impress us." She pulled him a little closer and hummed under her breath. "Good bone structure, very sharp and clean, lovely teeth. My my, and such lovely eyes."

She released him as his cheeks flushed with magic and held out her hand to him. "It is an absolute joy to meet you. My name is Lillith, I'm Y/N's mother."

Before he could take her hand and introduce himself, the man from before slung his arm over the woman's shoulder and grabbed his hand instead. "The names... Luke! Nice ta meet the guy who's got my kids bones a rattlin'"

His socket didn't twitch, it absolutely did not.

_**Pffft, bones...** _

He fought with the urge to CHECK them as he took your dad's hand and gave it a firm shake, almost recoiling at how burning hot it was around the cool bones of his own hand.

Almost like he was made of fire.

You all took your seats and ordered your drinks and a few light appetizers, making small talk and just getting to know each other overall.

Until you saw someone through the curtain and darted off with an excited squeal, the curtain fluttering shut behind you as a shout of surprise and a loud crash echoed through the restaurant, followed by your sheepish apologies.

And then the atmosphere in the booth grew darker as Both Lillith and Luke grinned wolfishly at Papyrus, setting him on edge instantly.

Lillith took a sip of her drink while Luke kept grinning, clearing her throat delicately and leaning on one hand. "So, you're our little kitten's soulmate, I don't disapprove."

**_...huh?_ **

Papyrus blinked at her owlishly as Luke snickered. "Eh, you're not too bad, can definitely see what Bo meant by the 'stick shoved so far up your pelvis you're coughing up splinters' thing now, you're definitely a more uptight fella than we were expecting."

"Excuse Me!?"

They... they knew Bo?! Does that mean-

Luke re-offered his hand, eyes gleaming with unnatural light in the darkness of the booth. "It's nice to meet you, the names Lucifer."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the HELL were you thinking reader?
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


	6. BONUS!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans and his human, how they met and a visit to the beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is totally because ChocoboFangirl (Lavivial) suggested fussy papa Sans and his mate.
> 
> I don't regret this because hot damn this made me so happy to write!

The first time he saw you was when you, **_very physically_** , threw a man out of Grilby's for trying to spike your drink.

Not that Grilby would've allowed that, he had a rep to keep up and girls getting roofied in his bar is not something he wanted on his name.

You then proceeded to straighten your ponytail and take your seat back at the bar, offering to pay the mans tab while ordering a new drink and an order of the cheesy mustard fries that were really only there because Sans finally paid off his tab and was rewarded with a place on the menu.

**_Nobody actually ever ordered them though, because ew_ **

You tossed back your drink as soon as it was set before you and noticed that someone new had occupied the seat next to you. "Touch my drink and I'll throw you."

"heh, would love ta be thrown around by ya doll."

You snorted and turned to the guy? They had a pretty deep voice but you weren't really one to just guess genders. "Really now, trying to throw me off my game here? Gotta be a badass to scare away the creeps after all."

The...

Holy shit they were the coolest person you'd ever seen!

"Dude, you are like the most kickass guy, gal, I've ever seen! Are your teeth nautrally that sharp or are they filed? Why do you only have one light in your sockets? Is that real gold? That's so badass!"

You rambled on as your fries were placed in front of you and you dug in, still talking to him and complimenting him.

He, on the other hand, was fucking gobsmacked at what his soul was telling him.

Soulmate, you were his soulmate, _YOU_ were his _SOULMATE!_

He... he had a soulmate!

"Dude, your eye turned into a heart!"

**_Pffft, alright, I feel really bad for him now, he's making an idiot of himself, jeez._ **

Sans snapped to attention and tried to glare at you, failing when you leaned forward and he noticed a small streak of mustard by your lip, making his whole face light up with magic as he sputtered. "sh-shuddup!"

"You're adorable!"

"not as much as yer."

**_...pfft, oh gods, flirt game strooong, heh_ **

After Sans calmed down and you stopped gushing about how cool he was, he may have mentioned that his brother was really the coolest skeleton around, leading you to gush about your own family, and before you knew it you guys were still chatting as Grilby appeared in front of you with the news that it was closing time and you needed to pay up.

Sans covered your tab for you.

He walked you out and you exchanged numbers with the feeling that things were about to get a whole lot better.

Which led you to now.

"Sans, _for the love of fucking god,_ it's a _five-pound_ bag, I can fucking carry it!"

Your soulmate was currently hefting several, bags and coolers behind him with magic while you only had the beach umbrella held protectively against your chest, wary that he would try and take that to and leave you with nothing. "At least let me carry my purse?"

**_Papyrus is going to shit himself when he sees his brother willingly carrying things_ **

Sans huffed and wiped a hand over his skull, scoping out the spot that Boss said he'd held for them. "wha' if ya trip an' fall on the bag, or if a theif tries ta go after it and hurts ya ta get it, or-"

"I get it! I'm pregnant not an invalid! I could still kick your boney ass if I wanted to!"

"ya fell over tying ya shoes."

The look you gave him made several people near you cringe and slink away, aware that a pregnant woman's wrath is not something to trifle with. _"And whose fault is that?"_

San's grin was lecherous as he finally spotted boss and his little human. "i don' know, thought it was a joint effort."

**_Ooooh buuurn._ **

You refused to look at him as you stomped over to the others, huffily stabbing the umbrella into the sand and settling yourself onto one of the spread blankets. "Hello Papyrus, Kitten."

Kitten bounced around happily, setting up the area and scaring away seagulls before the could try and eat their french fries...

You kinda wanted some of those, maybe they would-

"don' even think 'bout it, ya know the doc says ya gotta eat healthier."

You were going to strangle that tiny lizard, if you could ever get past Undyne that is...

"Babe, I've been eating healthy all week, I just want some fries." You leveled him with a pleading pout, earning a guilty look as he stared at your stomach.

"but... the baby..."

**_That was the most pathetic thing I've ever heard, and I heard Kitten singing to Papyrus once_ **

You groan and give in, not willing to give your hubby a panic attack trying to keep you happy and the baby healthy. "Fine, can I have the bag of veggies then?"

He happily provided you t=with the vegetables from one of the coolers and tucking a bottle of water net to you before realizing he'd left the sunscreen at home.

"shit, human' need tha' shit right? can it hurt da babe?! i'll be righ' back."

**_This is precious and exasperating_ **

You chuckled and scooted a bit further into the shade, knowing that it would ease his anxieties somewhat. "Freaking worrywart."

"It Is Refreshing To See Him Caring For Something So Much, I Had Begun To Worry About Him." Papyrus smiled fondly as Kitten seemed to be holding a conversation with a group of seagulls. "You Are So Good For Him, I Am Happy To Call You Sister."

**_Oh no, sentimental words to a very hormonal mess of a woman... This is gonna be great!_ **

Sans returned to find you crying while Papyrus was nursing a blooming bruise on his jaw, all while Papyrus's human was... dancing with seagulls?

**_For the love of... just, someone save that child before they get hurt..._ **

The rest of the day went fine, barring that Sans insisted that you reapply your sunscreen every 30 minutes and drink at least a bottle of water every hour.

And kept you away from others males

And followed you to the bathroom

And damn near shot a gaster blaster at a fish that startled you

Not to mention that he offered to grab you more blankets so you could touch the sand as little as possible.

**_This man used to be one of the most feared monsters in the underground... oh how the mighty have softened_ **

Still, you really wish he'd leave you alone when you had to pee.

Oh well, you loved him, he was your soulmate after all!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! I'll try getting the next dinner chapter out soon!


	7. Talk it out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I FUCKING TOLD YOU!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! I'm back with another chapter!

**_I FUCKING KNEW IT! I TOLD YOU! BUT NOOOOO, DON'T LISTEN TO THE COMPLETELY SILENT VOICE OF REASON!_ **

_**... idiots** _

Papyrus just sagged in his seat and clapped a hand over his sockets, taking in a deep breath before scraping the hand down to his jaw. "How Did I Not Expect This? It Makes Perfect Sense. Everything Makes Sense Now."

Lillith rolled her eyes and chuckled amusedly. "Such a drama queen dear, their not our biological child, as I am, unable, to produce children of my own." She shot a scowl up towards to roof as a soft peal of thunder rumbled through the restaurant. "Shut it old man, I'm allowed my bitterness."

**_...Did they steal a fucking child then??Did she just insult God???!_ **

"Not Yours?"

**_Yes, because that's the most pressing thing right now, not the fact that the demon lady obviously just insulted GOD!_ **

Lucifer nodded. "Well, they sort, wandered into hell? We still aren't entirely sure how they got there, but it was very amusing to see them scare the hellhounds." He chuckled and rubbed a hand through his hair. "Imagine a little babe chasing around dogs made of fire and nightmares, and somehow scaring them! It was the cutest damn thing."

Lillith's scowl softened into a nostalgic smile. 'What about the time they arranged a tea party with the princes, they were positively adorable in their tuxes and feather boas."

**_The princes... of hell??? Who were the ones in boas??? You or them?!_ **

**_I think I'm having an aneurysm..._ **

Papyrus was trying to process everything, eyelights extinguished as he thought over what they'd said.

You weren't biological, you wandered into hell, they just kept you...

"So You Kept The Strange Child That Somehow Found Their Way Into Hell? Without Question? Weren't You Suspicious?"

Lucifer shrugged while Lillith rolled her eyes. "All I've ever wanted were children, so I'm not about to question when I've been so graciously given the chance to raise one."

**_Ok, not only were you insane, but your parents aren't all there either, that's good to know!_ **

Papyrus dug the tips of his claws into his temple, willing away the blossoming headache as everything sank in. "So You Are Fine With Me Dating Your Child? You Are The Rulers Of Hell, Surely You Know Of Everything I've Done?"

Lillith pushed Lucifer out of the booth as a sharp crash echoed through the restaurant. "Go contain them while I speak with him."

Something screamed and Lucifer shot out of the booth cackling, gauzy curtains once more falling shut as Papyrus was left with Lillith. "What-"

"You're not a bad person."

**_Oh shit_ **

Papyrus stared at her slack jawed, eyelights flickering pinpricks in his sockets. "You Don't-"

"You are a good person who did bad things because he had to, a bad person does bad things because he wants to." Lillith reached forward and took one of his hand in hers. "You feel remorse, regret, for everything you did that you knew was wrong, that's better than some of us."

He was frozen, eyelights extinguished and bones rattling faintly. "I... Do You Think They Will Think That?"

Lillith chuckled softly and patted his hand comfortingly. "Who do you think told me that? They are more perceptive than you may think."

The curtains parted and you were unceremoniously dumped into his lap, Lucifer looking exasperated and amused. "Honestly kitten, what did you expect would happen when you surprise hugged Beez? You know he hates surprise hugs."

"But he never gives me regular hugs! I just want hugs!" You pouted, crossing your arms huffily.

Papyrus tsked and pulled you into a comfortable side hug. "You Always Want Hug Little One."

You giggled and snuggled into the hug, tucking your head beneath his chin. "They're the best! You have the best hugs Paps, A Plus cuddles!"

He fought down the magic rising to his skull and playfully scowled at you. "Of Course I Am The Best, I Am The Great And Malevolent Papyrus!"

You readily agreed, pointing out all his amazing qualities until your entree's arrived and you all settled into a peaceful quiet as you enjoyed your meals, the rest of the evening passing by in a blur.

Literally, one second you were ordering some gelato and the next you were back in Papyruses house with your take-out boxes and Khoshekh happily purring from his perch on top of your skeleton friends skull.

You hummed happily and got up to put away the leftovers while Papyrus re-thought his life choices.

**_I mean, you were the child of the Devil and an angry demoness, I would turn tail and get the fuck out, but that whole soulmate thing was a real bitch._ **

While Papyrus was trying and failing, to remove Khoshekh from his skull, you came out of the kitchen, wringing your hands nervously. "So uh, you liked dinner right? My parents were pretty cool?"

Papyrus gave you a worried glance as Khoshehk finally decided to leave him alone. "Dinner Was Amazing, And Your Parents Were... Interesting To Say The Least."

You nodded and chuckled nervously. "Good! Thats Good! So, uh..." You moved to stand in front of him and took his hands in your own, looking him in the sockets. "How would you feel about going on a date? With me?"

**_Oh shiiiiiiit!_ **

His eyelights guttered out and his posture went rigid, almost like that time you accidentally dumped a bucket of ice water down his pants.

**_Yeah, accidentally..._ **

You immediately tried to backtrack, about to slip your hands out of his when you were tugged forward into his lap, your whole frame encompassed by his arms and ribcage. "My Dear, Nothing Would Make Me Happier."

**_FUCK YES! GO YOU! FINALLY!_ **

**_...I have too much invested in your love life._ **

You let out a giddy giggle and latched your arms around his neck and tugged him down into a bone creaking hug, pressing your chest to his ribcage and feeling like it was right where you were supposed to be.

You couldn't wait for your date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all liked it! I'm not entirely sure how many more chapters are going to be in this little series, but if you have nay suggestions that'd be cool!


	8. Prelude to what will most likely be a beautiful disaster!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting ready for your date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT DEAD!
> 
> Kinda, sorta? 
> 
> This chapter was a bitch and a half to get out and I have no idea why, it just wouldn't do the go...
> 
> well, it's here now?

  
Papyrus nervously fiddled with the tie on his suit, straightening it and smoothing it until it looked like it came straight from a catalog. "Are You Sure I Shouldn't Wear The One With Flames?"

**_Flames? Is he serious? Please tell me he's serious_ **

Sans rolled his eyelights and shot Papyrus a thumbs up, while side-eyeing the kitchen. "trust me boss, m'sure the kitten will think ya look good in any suit, just thought the flame one might be better for a later date."

Papyrus hummed under his breath and eyed the red eye-liner, wondering if he should add a bit to his lower sockets to appear more threatening to anyone who dared interrupt his date. "Perhaps-"

"if ya don't get yer tailbone movin', yer gonna be late."

Sans hopped out of the way as Papyrus screeched and dove for his coat and keys off the table before disappearing out the door, not even tossing Sans a goodbye.

Sans scratched his skull with a chuckle and whistled, prompting his mate from her place in the kitchen where she'd been petting Doom and feeding treats to Khoshehk, not even questioning how he crawled out of the sink drain. "He gone?"

"yup." His grin widened ferally. "wanna try out his bed?"

She snorted and leaned against the wall beside him. "It'd be your ass not mine if he ever found out."

He snaked his hand around her waist and leaned down to nuzzle her round belly. "heh, always been good at dodgin'."

They giggled and disappeared into his room, not really realizing that Papyrus had set up security cameras inside as well as outside.

**_Really!? DO THEY WANT TO BE HURT?!_ **

**_Yeah, that's not gonna end well for them..._ **

**_Also, ew? That's your brothers bed???_ **

 

~~~

 

You stuck out your tongue at your reflection, trying to force your hair into something controlled while smoothing down the wrinkles of your own outfit.

Which was covered in stylised flames?

**_Why the fuck haven't you two gotten together sooner? Like what the actual hell was stopping you two?_ ** **_Well, besides Hell itself..._ **

You made a face at yourself and shrugged, not really bothered too much with the way your hair didn't want to cooperate and more concerned with the date in question.

You had set it up at that fancy hotel downtown, the one that was owned by the fancy robot that Papyrus liked to watch on movie night. What was his name again? Metronome? Metaphysics? ...Mack?

**_You're going to be killed by a homicidal calculator because you can't remember his fucking name..._ **

With a huff, you grabbed your bag, also covered in flames, and headed for the front door right as a someone knocked rather loudly on it, causing the whole thing to vibrate.

"Come in!"

**_One day, ONE FUCKING DAY, you are going to invite a murderer in and you will die!_ **

Papyrus sighed and stepped in, tapping a gloved hand to the doorway and reaffirming the magic barrier he'd put there when he first started hanging out with you. "I Thought We Talked About This."

You shrugged and took him in, eyes roaming over the crisp lines of his black suit and loving the red accents and leather accessories he'd paired with it. "You look great Paps!"

Papyrus felt magic warming his skull as he looked over your date clothes and silently cursed Sans for convincing him that his flaming tuxedo was too advanced for this date since it seemed you didn't get the memo. "You Look Absolutely Stunning This Evening My Dear."

From behind his back, he pulled out a bouquet of fiery red roses and a small box. "I Brought Gifts."

You gasped and gingerly took the roses from him and to the kitchen, neatly trimming them and putting them into a giant mason jar. "They're reallly pretty Paps! I got you something too!"

You pulled a package from beneath the sink, a fucking weird place to keep a gift, and handed it to him with an eager grin. "I helped make it myself, I really hope you like it!"

He pocketed his gift for you and took the large package, gingerly opening the box before gasping and ripping the lid off entirely, eyelights going wide and morphing into little upside down hearts.

He reached in and pulled out the leather jacket, actual flames swirling along the bottom of it and licking up the sleeves, waving lazily in a nonexistent breeze wile little harmless embers sparkled around it.

He gently ran his claws over the supple leather, breath stuttering in his ribcage as the flames lovingly nuzzled against him, your intent imbued all throughout the jacket, chaotic and warm. "This..."

You wavered on your feet and fiddled with your fingers nervously. "Is it too much? I made it a while ago and I didn't know when would be the right time to give it to you and now kinda seemed like the perfect time and," you sucked in a large breath and looked away, blushing. "I like the idea of us matching?"

**_You are precious, so precious and if I wasn't terrified of your mother I'd adopt you... Well, no, I can't handle your insanity..._ **

He scooped you up in one arm while the other cradled the jacket. "IT IS SUPURB! THE MOST AMAZING GIFT FROM THE MOST AMAZING PERSON!"

You giggled and happily nuzzled his cheek. "So you gave yourself the jacket?"

**_Holy shit, that was smooth as fuck!_ **

The hearts in his sockets got impossibly bigger and he nuzzled a kiss to your cheek. "No One Is As Amazing As You Are My Dear, Shall I Give You My Gift Now?"

You nodded happily and almost snatched the box from his hand, restraining yourself at the last moment and took it gently from him instead.

Sat in the velvet box was a bracelet with eight large beads, each burning with red magic and looking like they were made of living lava and hellfire while giving off a faint smell that you could only describe as being distinctly Papyrus.

You slipped the bracelet onto your hand and the beads shifted size to sit comfortably without being too loose or too tight, warming your wrist and making a sense of safety wash over you. "It's beautiful."

**_Nicest thing I've ever gotten is a bunch of fucking grumps..._ **

**_ ~~You're one to talk!~~ _ **

**_You make my head hurt..._ **

Papyrus blushed and tapped the beads. "They Are Made Of My Magic, Should You Ever Find Yourself In A Bad Situation, Simply Think About Me And I Will Find You."

**_Ok, he got you a tracker... Wtf dude?_ **

You knew he was a busy monster, so knowing that he ould drop everything to come save you made your chest warm with affection and some weird feeling, kinda like pop rocks and soda bubbles.

You gave him a quick peck on his sharp cheek and a shy smile. "I love it, it's perfect, thank you Papy!"

He reluctantly set you back down and offered his arm. "I Believe It Is Time To leave If You Wish To Make Our Reservation. Would You Mind Telling Me Where We Are Going So I May Drive Us?"

You smirked up at him and pulled out a pair of keys from your pocket. "Don't worry! Dad let me borrow his car for tonight!"

You grabbed his hand and dragged him out to the street to a 1960's Chevrolet El Camino that was painted midnight black with flame decals that looked to be moving.

**_To be fair, it's the devil's ride, they probably are moving. And seriously? An El Camino? The fuck Satan?_ **

Papyrus let you lead him to the passenger side, rolling his eyelights as you held the door open for him and settled into the crimson leather seats with a soft sigh.

He'd never seen you drive before, he wondered if you were any good at it.

After a moments thought he scrambled for the seat belt, nervously sweating as you settled into the driver's seat with what could only be described as a sadistic grin. "Man, I haven't driven in ages! Ready to go?"

He swallowed thickly and nodded.

This couldn't be too bad... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like it! The date will be up next and hopefully that will be a bit easier to get going.
> 
> Thank you guys for reading!


	9. DATE START!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck you metronome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell, I have great dislike for his thighness Mettlefuck
> 
> Also, PUP

  
The restaurant was...

Well, if I had to describe it...

**_HOLY FUCK WHY IS THERE SO MUCH RED???_ **

You, on the other hand, found it beautiful, homey even, with all the draping red fabric and gold trimming, the tables dressed in black with velvet chairs surrounding them.

The hostess, a very pretty deer monster who you compliment on her elegant legs and the little silver blades she decorates her horns with, admiring the way they tinkle together.

**_I... don't only boy deer have antlers?_ **

**_ ~~Don't question monster anatomy~~ _ **

**_Fair_ **

By the time you reach your table she is a giggly mess and Papyrus looked just a bit peeved, something you remedy by pulling out his chair for him and winking when he scoffed at you.

He didn't refuse though.

The table was one of the more private ones, the area around the table draped with sheer red cloth that gave you the illusion of privacy.

You thought your parents did it better, these didn't even have fairy lights between the layers!

**_Now that I think about it... were those actual fairy lights?_ **

**_WERE YOUR PARENTS USING SOULS AS DECORATION???_ **

**~~ _Fascinating..._ ~~ **

**_SHUT IT!_ **

Papyrus admired the decor, having never had the time or want to visit one of MTT restaurants with one of his own to run, something he'd never thought he'd do given his love of vinegar lasagna. "You've Chosen Well, But The Decor Could Never Match Your Magnificence."

**_Fuck he's good..._ **

You spluttered behind your menu, which had face steak on it for some reason, and peeked at him over your menu. "Says the Great and Awesome Papyrus!"

It was his turn to fluster and you giggled as he snatched up his menu to hide behind, grumbling something under his breath.

You decided on your meals, you forgoing wine in favor of water while Papyrus got a lovely Merlot to go with his meal, and you were chatting quietly about Sans and his mate, guessing the gender of the babe and talking about all the things Papyrus could do as an uncle.

"Oh my~ Papyrus darling, is that you~?" Four arms wrapped around and over his shoulders as two golden eyes looked at you nastily. "It is! How absolutely lovely~"

The robot guy, girl, whatever the fuck they were, twisted Papyruses whole chair so, _fuck it you'll go with he_ , so he could drape himself in the skeleton's lap.

_Oh, that wouldn't do at all..._

Papyrus scoffed and tried to push the robot from his lap, only succeeding in getting more tangled in his arms. "Release Me At Once Metta! Can't You See I Am On A Very Important Date?!"

**_Of course he knew that, but he was a petty fuck and needed the spotlight on him at all fucking times so it didn't matter if he was inconveniencing others._ **

**_ ~~Your bias is showing~~ _ **

**_Fuck off you melty bastard!_ **

You cleared your throat and smiled politely, or terrifyingly, and tipped your empty water glass in his direction. "Hello! Would you mind refilling my water please? Oh, and maybe some more rolls?"

He went rigid in Papyrus lap before gracefully standing, towering over your seated form and trying to look menacing as he glared down at you. "Excuse me? _Just who do you think I am_?"

Before you could answer, his face was pressing close to yours, glare burning holes through you. "I am Mettaton, Owner of this magnificent place, not some common waitstaff! How dare you assume such nonsense!"

You tilted your head and gave him a confused smile. "Well, maybe if you were acting like a proper host and not draping yourself across my boyfriend like some hussie, maybe I'd think otherwise."

Papyrus gaped at you while steam started to rise out of the robot, a few sparks snapping in the air. **_"Get. Out._** "

You sighed and stood, looking a little sad. "That's ok, maybe this place wasn't as good as Papa thought it would be, too bad, he was really interested in taking Mama here."

Papyrus stood and reached for your hand, but the robot was faster, snatching your arm and pulling you close, eyes gleaming with the promise of pain. "Listen here you little trollop, I said for you to leave, not the Captain. How a disgusting little rag like you caught his attention, I'll never know, but you won't be bothering him anymore."

**_Imma woop that ass! Make 'em into a fucking trash heap!_ **

~~ **_He's already a trash heap._ ** ~~

**_IT'S ACTUALLY A HE???_ **

You weren't going to lie, that actually hurt a bit. You weren't some trollop, whatever the hell that was, and you certainly weren't a rag! You even had on your best date clothes and everything!

You finally noticed that other tables were staring at you, whispering among themselves, some even laughing at you!

You felt tears welling in your eyes as embarrassment and horror made your cheeks flush and your stomach turn, sudden doubts rising to the surface about whether you were good enough for Papyrus, maybe you should-

You were lifted, strong bony arms fitting under your knees and around your back as Papyrus snarled at the robot and anyone else who had the nerve to look at you.

You were his and you were perfect, no one would ever be allowed to say otherwise, not even the star of the underground.

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR SCRAP METAL ASS! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU INSULT MY MATE IN FRONT OF ME!" He bent, keeping you close to his ribs, and gnashed his teeth at the robot. "I SHOULD FUCKING TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, BUT MY DEAREST IF FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU, YOU CHEAP EXCUSE OF A TOASTER!"

With that, he stormed out with you in his arms, your car already parked out front and ready to go.

He settled you into the passenger seat and took the keys from the valet, quietly getting in and driving away from the restaurant with absolutely no regrets, not caring that the robot had once been his idol.

You quietly settled into your seat, curling up a bit as you thought through what the robot had said and not feeling very good, this date had been a disaster, just like every other you'd had before.

Maybe the robot was right, maybe you weren't good enough for Papyrus, maybe he would be happier with somebody else...

You weren't paying attention to where he was taking you, startling when his large hand lightly touched your shoulder, making you blink as you recognize your surroundings. "What are we doing here?"

You were parked in front of the Italian restaurant that Papyrus Co-owned with a human friend, not exactly five-star like Mettatons restaurant but the food was delicious and the atmosphere welcoming.

Papyrus didn't answer, stepping out of the car and quickly making his way to your side and opening the door for you while holding out his hand. "Since Our Dinner Was Interrupted, I Thought I'd Cook For You Instead."

You blinked up at him before looking down into your lap, fingers folding over one another nervously. "Are you sure? I ruined our date..."

He scoffed and coaxed you out of the car. "You Ruined Nothing, The Night Would Have Been Perfect If Not For Mettaton's Interference. Come Now, I Want To Show You How A Real Restaurant Is Run."

_It was the best date you'd ever had._

He kept you at a table that sat in a little out of the way nook in the kitchen, quickly washing up and commanding the staff back to their stations after they all flocked to your table to greet you and gush about how exciting it was to finally meet you.

_You kinda felt like a celebrity with all the attention..._

Watching Papyrus practically dance around the kitchen was amazing, every move calculated and precise but also looking fluid and relaxed, a dinner and show just for you.

In what seemed to be no time at all, he had a three-course meal sitting at your table and was pouring you a drink before taking his seat, shooting the staff a fond but stern glare to keep working before smiling softly at you, "I Know It's Not Quite What You Wanted Exactly, But I've Made Some Of My Favorites For You To Try."

There was a small salad beside a steaming plate of what looked and smelt like Lasagna and for dessert an absolutely mouthwatering piece of chocolate cake topped with sweet maraschino cherries.

**_WANT! ALL OF IT!_ **

**_ ~~You can't eat...~~ _ **

_**FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING DREAM KILLER!** _

**_ ~~I'm not Nightmare~~ _ **

_**Fuck off... caaaaake** _

You both made quiet conversation around bites of what had to be the absolute best food you'd ever tasted, giggling when a few braver chefs tried to play romantic music for you and got scolded by a blushing Papyrus.

At the end of the night, you said goodbye to the staff, getting a few hugs and even a bag with more food in it, before Papyrus drove you home, holding your hand and steering with the other.

Waiting for you in front of your place was your dad with three absolutely massive... dogs?

You jumped out of the car and raced to give him a hug before pulling away and cooing at the dogs lovingly. "Heya spot! Dad takin' good care of you while I'm gone? I bet he is!"

Papyrus took his time leaving the car, stiffly making his way to your side and handing over the keys to the El Camino and looked at the dogs with a healthy amount of trepidation.

**_Was... Was that a three-headed dog? As in one body three heads?!? WERE YOU NOT SEEING THIS?!?!?!_ **

~~**_ Oh, it seems some myths are based on real facts after all _ ** ~~

**_FUCKING THREE-HEADED DOG?!?!_ **

You gave the dog one more pet before hugging your dad once more and all but dragging Papyrus into your house to finish off the date with some horror movies.

Papyrus couldn't help but notice that there was a piece of cherry red metal hanging from one of the dog's jaws, not that he was going to mention it.

Besides, he wasn't really a fan of Mettaton anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading!
> 
> Have an idea you want to see, leave it in the comments!


	10. BONUS 2!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BABY TIME Y'ALL!
> 
> Plus, meet the fam, PART 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> I got a request for Sans meeting the Fam, and I've been in bit of a bad spot so working on this has really helped improve my mood!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

You were never getting pregnant again, no way in hell, you even thought about just throwing out sex all-together!

_**Yeah, bet that hadn't sat well with Sans...** _

But here you were, cradling what had to be the cutest fucking skeleton in the whole world in your arms, tiny green eyelights staring up at you with a mixture of aww and-

_BUUURP_

_**Yeah, that was definitely Sans kid...** _

They smiled up at you and Sans nearly sobbed as he laughed, camera up and recording the entire birth and everything after. "lookit! their first burp! i'm so proud, c'mon lil' guy, lookit da camera!"

The baby yawned and decided it would much rather nap on its mama's boob than listen to its papa, snuggling into your chest and dropping off almost instantly.

 _Being born sure is tiring huh?_ You thought, smoothing a hand over their skull and rolling your eyes at your mate. "Put the camera away Sans, their sleeping, nothing to film right now."

Sans ignored you and lifted the camera with red magic so that it had an aerial shot of all three of you. "stars, they're precious, lookit their tiny hands! and their itty bitty lil' toesies!"

**_Didn't this guy use to be the most fearsome monster in the underground?_ **

**_ ~~Try and touch the child, i'm sure you'll see it then...~~ _ **

**_Hmmm_ **

You were distracted from your mate's loving rant by a soft scuffling sound by the door, seeing a man in an old pair of sweatpants and faded band tee standing there and looking around sheepishly before waving. "Uh, heya kid, thought I'd maybe stop in? Say high to the grandbaby... or I can go..."

Sans froze before turning on him with a snarl. " **who da _fuck_ are you?** "

**_There it is_ **

Your dad shuffled from foot to foot before holding up a gift, swallowing nervously. "I brought a gift." He mumbled weakly, trying to look anywhere but at the baby in your arms and failing terribly, already captivated by the new addition to the family.

You gave him a soft smile and waved him in, tugging on the back of Sans coat to get him to back down. "Hey dad, haven't seen you in a while."

He flinched and rubbed a hand along the back of his neck. "I uh, been doing a lot of writing lately, got really caught up in it, I didn't mean to go AWOL on you guys, trust me, your brother already gave me a talking to..."

You chuckled and readjusted your baby so that they were a little more supported on your chest, smoothing a hand over their skull when they started to fuss. "Nonetheless, it's good to see you out of the house, how is Luce? Has Lily ever gotten over her fit?"

" _No_ , _**I haven't** , fuck you very much_." Lillith scowled at your dad as she stepped into the hospital room, Luce right on her tail with Papyrus and Kitten bringing up the rear. "Where's the little one? I want to see the babe."

Sans snarled as everyone but Papyrus and Kitten crowded around the bed, knowing better than to get near the possessive monster and his family. "ya need ta back the fuck up!"

You tugged a little more on his coat, damn near pulling him into the bed with you. "They won't hurt us Sans, they're my family, and I'm pretty sure Lilly over there would kill anyone who even looked at them wrong."

"Right you are, little rebel." Lillith purred, smiling lovingly down at the little monster in your arms. "The day I harm a child is the day I cease to exist."

Sans growled again and looked to Papyrus, who looked like he just swallowed a bottle of vinegar and chased it with ten lemons, his bones looking a little pale in the hospital lights. "ya alright there boss?"

"Fine." He wheezed, eyelights flickering around the room erratically. "I Need A Moment, Excuse Me."

Sans watched as Papyrus sprinted into the little ensuite bathroom, the door barely clicking shut before the sound of agonized shrieking rang through the door, making Kitten giggle softly as they patted Sans on the shoulder. "It's ok! I can get him to calm down, heya grandpapa!"

**_He needs a vacation, a really long, liqueur filled, vacation._ **

~~**_Don't we all?_ ** ~~

Kitten slipped into the bathroom and the shrieking died down, everyone left in the main room, except for Sans, looked mildly amused. "anyone gonna tell me what jus' happened?"

"He's met them already, those two are Kitten's parents, technically my siblings?" You gave your dad a narrow look. "It's like someone glued together a family tree with random branches from different trees, or bushes."

"You make it sound like a bad thing..." Your dad mumbled, scratching at the beginning of a scraggly beard. "It kinda worked out?"

"Oh _sure_ ," Lillith snorted as Luke cooed to the new baby. "We're all well-rounded individuals with absolutely _**no**_ daddy issues to speak of, _real stable people_." She hummed and looked to you. "Is Gabe still in AA? Or Michael for that matter, fucking egotistical dickweeds."

You rolled your eyes and rubbed a thumb over your baby's cheek as they started to fuss, wiggling in the confines of their blanket. "You know they won't talk to me anymore, gave up the family name and all that."

Sans tried to follow along with the conversation but your, brother? Kept trying to touch his teeth and he was about to lose a goddamned hand! "would'ja fuckin' _quit it_! gonna fuckin'-"

**_"Sans?!"_ **

The alarm in your voice had him at your side in an instant, the sight of his baby struggling to kick away the blankets in a hissy fit making him chuckle. "d'aw, lookit dat, just tryna... get..."

Your baby finally kicked off the blanket and rolled onto their side, the problem behind their discomfort becoming immediately obvious as soft green wings fluttered and twitched.

Papyrus walked in just in time to see the unveiling of your baby's wings before he promptly yeeted himself out through the window.

**_WHY?!?!_ **

**_ ~~He seemed to have reached his limit...~~ _ **

_**THEY'RE ON THE THIRD FLOOR! HE JUST JUMPED THROUGH A FUCKING WINDOW!** _

~~ **_Ah, some days are just like that..._ ** ~~

_**ASDFGHJKL** _

~~ **_How did you even make that sound? Are you not concerned for the very suddenly winged child?_ ** ~~

**_That's actually pretty normal nowadays..._ **

Sans stared dumbstruck as you gently laid the blanket back over your baby and it's new appendages, looking rather sheepish as both Lillith and Luke shared knowing smirks. "Sans, I can explain."

"wat?" He squawked, "how?"

Kitten snuck out after Papyrus and the rest took a small step back, preparing for what was certainly going to be an interesting time.

You cleared your throat and gave him a nervous grin. "So, uh, what do you know about God, angels, and demons?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Might do more for this, but idk...
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
